I...

I just wish someone would be there for me while I'm conquering the world... I think that's not greedy... but somehow it's not happening at the moment... I really hope it will...it will... it...

夕阳

太阳一定要每天按时下山吗？

有不下山的太阳吗？

爱情真的跟夕阳一样吗？

总是要慢慢的把一束一束光线吞没

留下一丝不苟的天空

慢慢的被黑暗侵蚀

然后留下让人恐惧的夜晚

还记得五年前在一个朋友的部落格里看到一篇满有意思的文章，结果五年后的今天我仍然能牢牢记得.....

每一个人一生都只有一段恋情可以有完美结局。一起 > 热恋 > 平静 > 淡忘 > 分手

是大多数恋爱的过程，分别只在于过程的长短。

但是就只有不停的重复这简单亦复杂过程，我们才能找到我们的“唯一”。

难道真的没有例外吗？

TOUCH

Sometimes a touch means so much to me~

ENTANGLEMENT

Often in our life there will be something entangling us, preventing us from going somewhere, doing something, eating something, loving somone, etc...

And if you think you will be freed from the entanglement and eventually get the 'freedom' you craved for, then you are wrong!

Before you even realise, you have already pushed yourself deep into a big pile of shit while freeing yourself, and to free yourself from that pile of shit, is never easy!

Afterall, you are still entangled, but with something else, and it doesnt stop there either.

Such is life......

MOURNING FOR THE LOST OF THE KING

I think the world had just lost one of its icon in Michael Jackson - The King of Pop.

I am never a HUGE fan of Michael Jackson, but I do watch lots of his MTV and listen to his songs when I grow up - who doesnt? Regardless you like it or not his face was everywhere in the 80s and 90s, from the States to Europe across Africa to Asia, who doesnt know Michael Jackson?

Perhaps he is indeed a pedophile and his desperate tries to transform to a white might somehow ruined his otherwise fantastic image on the stage, but to me he is always the King of the stage, a King that now left a legacy that can never be followed-suit!

His dance moves (moon walk, 360 degree turn, penis grabbing, etc), sunglasses, his yell 'AW!', hat, white gloves, and ever-glowing-suits, and nevertheless songs like Thriller, Black or White, Smooth Criminal and Heal the World are things that will always remind me of him.

Michael Jackson alone is more famous than the combination of Princess Diana, Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and Elvis Presley. I bet you there are more people crying today for his lost than the lost of the combination of the former four.

I'm thinking is there anything that could possibly shock the world to this extent after his tragic lost... nothing perhaps...

May you rest in peace, King~

MISTAKE

Mistake is one thing that we can never avoid to make in our life. It doesn't matter how perfect you are, how impeccable you are, how complete you are, or who you are; we still make mistakes in our life. It could be something small like calling someone with a wrong name or a silly multi million business decision or wearing a bra in a wrong way :p It could be anything. But WE do make mistakes.

It is OK to make mistakes and most of the time mistakes can be rectified. Every mistake comes with a price and no matter are we willing or not, we still have to pay the price of it. And with the price paid we can always, ALWAYS, buy a lesson. Most importantly, we have to make sure we dont lose the lesson.

Regretting and feeling sorry for the mistakes you've made will only aggravate the problem and will only increase your remorseness. But what defines your personality is whether if you can pick up the positives from the mistakes you made and make sure you wont repeat the mistake you made and hurt yourself or other people again.

********************************************************************

我们总是在追求不同的理想、梦想。随着年龄的增长，我门追赶的东西也一直都在变。生活中必定也会有些东西强迫着我们无法拒绝。但不管年龄的变化，只要我们锁定自己的理想和目标，再艰难忐忑的路程我们都必定可以傲过。

苦难和心灵的贫穷总是像一张纠缠的蜘蛛网猖獗的覆盖我们单薄的青春，从一个角落延伸到另一个角落 - 就象我们不断制造伤口在自己身上和别人身上。但只要轻易的挥一挥，再纠缠、再稠密蜘蛛网也无法抵制、任意的被摧毁。关键就在那一‘挥’！只要我们肯踏出第一步，再苦难的烦恼、再深邃的伤口，最终都回迎刃而解。

#############################################################

Let it go!

The sun will rise again tomorrow and I will be there, as always :)

幸福

有人说

幸福是在肚子饿时

有一碗热腾腾的面端在眼前

一口一口毫无忧郁地啖着

有人说

幸福是在寒冬夜里

可以躲在那温暖如春的棉被里

深深睡着

有人说

幸福是下雨天时

可以在屋子里

手拿着香喷喷的咖啡

欣赏着窗外行人五颜六色的雨伞

有人说

幸福是个遥不可及、奢侈地梦想

有人说

幸福就在我们近在咫尺的地方

但很多人都感觉不到、触及不到

其实幸福是每个人都在憧憬的

得不到幸福的人在仰望幸福

拥有幸福的人在观望幸福

我已不再仰望幸福

我已学会了满足和陶醉

满足我现有的幸福

陶醉在现有的幸福

至于人们所谓那梦寐以求完美无缺的幸福

就让幸福天使决定吧！

如果我在你身边

如果我在你身边
就能轻易的分享你的喜悦
就能在人群中紧紧的牵着你的手

如果我在你身边
就能驾车带你到处遨游
就能惊喜的从背后给你个拥抱

如果我在你身边
生活也许完全不同
可能每天吃的每天穿的每天做的事都不一样

很快的
我会在你身边

4.02pm

My 'official' working hour is usually from 8am to 4pm everyday. And to be honest, like most of the people, I am really looking forward to the 4pm everyday. Although usually I dont have any particular special event to look forward to, but still, for some reason 4pm is just so 'irresistibly attractive'!

But leaving work at 4pm has now become a very wild dream for me! For the pass weeks the earliest I finished work is 5pm, and I am getting really pissed with the long working hour. Because if I finish later than 4.30pm I would got stuck in the traffic and end up reaching home at 6pm the earliest. After a long day of work the last thing I would ever want is to be clogged up in the traffic.

And today, right at 4.02pm, got a called from the manager, got some extra work to do. End up leaving work at 5.30pm, reaching home at 7.00pm... disaster! Really pissed! Lost of words to describe the frustration.

With the economy crisis still milling around, I should feel very lucky to be still employed. And should feel very lucky to have the opportunity to work till so late... How lucky... how lucky...

AND I LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY...

It has been quite a tough week for me, not knowing how my future lies, guessing and hoping that I will survive this latest ecomony crunch!

But seriously I didnt see this coming at all! Just not too long ago, may be a month back or so, my company just sent out an assurance email to each and every staffs of Coffey around the world, saying that we are doing fine and encourage all the staffs to work harder and gain more work and NOT to get too worried about the economy crunch or retrenchment etc, and also announced that Coffey has the biggest revenue for the past 6 months since their establishment. And in one other email, the CEO of the company also announced that Coffey has just formed another new subsidiary company called Coffey Rail and win a big project in London, worth 900 million dollars or so...

And then out of a sudden we have this 'emergency' staff meeting invite sent out at 9.30pm the night before, informing that the company is not doing very good and 'unfortunately' the company has to make certain 'cognitive action' to bring the business forward. In a more ugly sentence, the company is doing not as good as before and someone need to be sacrificed/made redundant/fired. And this is the first time Coffey doing this since its establishment at 1960.

From my understanding, the Coffey branch here in Brisbane is actually doing very good compared to other branches in Australia, and we are actually dragging all other branches in Australia. And if so, I think it is very very very unfair to all our staffs in this office!

First of all, if the company is not doing 'so well', then why announce that the company is earning more than ever? Why sent out this assurance email? Why still hiring staffs in the past couple of months? For an instant, it seems that this 'economy crunch' perhaps is just an 'excuse' or 'good reason' for big companies to execute this redundancy exercise.

I was depressed, I was having this constant mental tortoring, I was very anxious for the last whole week. But who wasnt?

I'm lucky, I survived. But some didnt. And I really feel sad/bad for them although I havent been long in the company.

Perhaps thats life, a handful of people made some stupid decisions > economy crunch > a lot of people lose their job, lose their house, lose their life, lose a lot of money, got stuck in deep shit > many move on, fight on and see another day light > some never get out from the shit forever > some... the list goes on...

Hope this will never happen anytime soon in the future... at least not in the forth coming couple of months!

Ok. Finish grumbling. I'll move on.

UNCERTAINTY

I am tired of guessing what is at the end of the long tunnel.

Perhaps I just have to wait...

Perhaps I just have to pray...

Perhaps I just need my luck...

Perhaps...

It will be another 6 long nights before the answer is prevail...

I will be waiting, praying and hoping the luck is still with me!

where is my PATIENCE

It seems like I am losing my patience lately. I wish I could get to my work place faster every monrning; I wish I could get back home quicker after work every day; I wish I could climb up the ladder and be promoted faster; I wish to get things done quicker; I wish I could finish a puzzle quicker; I wish I could......

There are so many things that I wish could happen rather sooner than later. I wish time is not factor in everything. But if there is no time, there will be no universal!

I used to be a very patience person years back. And I supposed to be one, as I have spent all my childhood and teenage period as a patient music and instruments learner. I knew without patience I could never manage to learn how to play an instrument, forget about seven or so. I knew without patience I could never flawlessly perform a complete piece of musical, forget about hundreds or even thousands. I knew without patience I could never be a conductor - diligently guided an orchestra of 60 people.

If I understood the importance of patience back then, I should understand it now. But have I really lost the plot of patience? Or am I just too passionate in the things I am doing now and want to acheive what I wanted to achieve? Or perhaps I am confused with 'patience' and 'passion'?

Patience is in the tiny details, while it is also to believe in something bigger than ourselves. It teaches us to take responsibility for our actions and our feelings; to forgive the imperfections, weaknesses and fragility of others and most importantly OURSELVES; and above all. no matter how big the obstacles, it urges us never to give up!

It seems that I have to start reading some books or start learning some new songs or even listen to classical musics, to instill some patience back into my soul. Or may be I need to spend some days stacking up a column of angular rocks.

FIRST IN 2009

It has been a long long time since I last updated and visited the blog!

A lot has happened since then - I'm now officially graduated as a Civil Engineer, my parents and Siew Yee visited me, attended the ceremony and stayed for 6 weeks in Australia, Nadal won another Grandslam, Victoria has now lesser trees (depressing), but Bush in America is still standing (devastated), I've finally seen the New Year Eve's fireworks at Sydney Harbour, I'm few months older, I've owned a Civic, spent my first CNY here in down under, my affectionateness towards my dearie has increased, and I'm getting very eager to stay on in Aussie land!

It has now become my constant 'nightmare', I supposed, whenever I try to make a dicision whether to stay on here or go back to Malaysia. I've tried to imagine how my life will be if I go back to the boleh land, and I can say just by imagining it is already quite nerve-wrecking.
With my proffesion, I know I will have to start all over again, no matter how experienced am I after working for several years in Australia.

-I know my working hours will be long - construction work in Malaysia is usually 10/7, conservatively.

-I know I will have to spend hell lots of money just to get a Kancil (with the same ammount of money I can probably owned a Camry in Aus assuming RM1:AUS$1).

-My starting salary will not be as 'lofty' as what I'm getting now.

-I can NEVER have the luxurious benefits that Coffey (my company) is currently providing. Coffey would fully sponsor my Master tuition fee if I ever want to do it.

-The quality of life of my next generation will be different - have to stay at house all the time to stay away from ever increasing kidnapping, rapping and robbing.

-The quality of my life will be different - I will have to save all my earnings and send my children oversea for education to widen their exposure (I know it is not REALLY necessary but I never trust the education system in Boleh land, please agree with me - it is a fact).

-My health will be different - have to breath in the romantic haze from Indo once a year (if lucky, otherwise twice, thrice?)

-Unlike Australian government (giving out AUS$ 21 000 for first home buyers at this economic crunch period), the Boleh land government wont do a shit other than dropping a few milli bucks on the petrol.

-And the list goes on...

I know I have been coping well with this over the 18 years or so when I was back in the Boleh land. Back then I didn't have a choice but to cope. But now possessing an Australia PR visa, I can very much dictate/decide/change my life in the future. With all the possible dramas that I stated above, it seems that the dicision whether to stay on or not is not difficult to make. But infact, it is atually not!

The only and ONLY reason I'm still refusing to make a call on the dicision is my parents and my dearie. Is this the place they are meant to be? Is this the life they wanted? Is this the best possible solution to have a better life? Is this a wise choice?

Then I look at my 2 topnotch grandpas. They both came to Malaysia all the way from China almost 70-80 years ago, leaving behind their families, friends (wonder is there any back then), home, everything and never look back. Only for a reason - to have (or try to have) a better life! And I am 100% sure if they didnt make a move back then, I am probably now working as a farmer or hawker! Forget about writing in English.

With the same intention but different era, if they can do it back then, why can't I? Why can't we?

The clock continues to tick......

THE BIG 'O'

For the pass 60 hours or so the whole world has just gone mad while having an orgasm cheering for the newly elected President of United States of America, in another word most powerful, or influential if you like, human being on earth! OH... OH... OH... Obama! And I have to say I'm really happy for him to win the election!

Only not long ago blacks are still working as slaves and discriminated in America, but today we have got our first ever black African-American President! How drastic is that? How miraculous is that? I still remember when I first heard in the news of his candidacy for the President of United States, honestly I thought that was the biggest joke I've ever heard in an America presidential election. How on earth a black can ever win a Presidential election? OK. I was wrong, very very wrong indeed. As he said in his victory speech, "who still questions the power of our democracy - tonight is your answer!" I guess I have the answer now.

Nevertheless, I have been following this presidential election for quite sometime, especially after Obama edged out Hilary Clinton during the election run in. I supposed he is a very intelligent man, a knowledgeable law lecturer, a family man (or not), and he knows exactly the way to win people's heart.

Winning a presidential election in such a big margin does show that he has the Americans backing, With an African descended family background, growing up in Indonesia, I believe at this moment the whole Africa and Aisa is behind him. Which is a rare case scenario for an America President. By the way, his win has also somehow injected a morale boost to people in countries around the world where minor etnics are discriminated or treated unfairly, namely The Malay 'Boleh' Land. Hoping that this similar miracle will happen, which I doubt it very much.

Winning this election is never an easy job, but what lies ahead perhaps define his worth as the President of America. First to stop the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, save the world wide biggest financial recession since the Great Depression, and to repair America's relation with the world (Iraq? Iran? or the Awaken Dragon Land?). To live up to the expectations not only from the Americans but the world, he doesnt have long to think before he acts and will certainly get his critics not long from now. If he got it right, he could be the world saver. At the age of 48, he can still offer a lot to America as well as the world. But first, he MUST got it right, MUST.

BUT, FIRST, having to give his victory speech behind a huge bulletproof glass, finger cross, but can he actually finish his first term as President of America alive? He will have to be the most protected President ever, EVER.

Initially wanted to write a short post about Obama, ending up writing such a long blog. But his win is undoubtedly the topic at the moment. Er... by the way, where is the Texas cowboy? Bush who?

Yo~check it out!

Black is the new black!

PORT OF BRISBANE

RECENTLY

Working life is scary! Unwittingly, I have already been working for almost 2 months!

Two months into the job that I could only dream for 3 months ago, I'm pretty much enjoying my job. I'm currently assigned to work at the site office at Port of Brisbane, substituting another geotechnical engineer whom has recently gone for maternity leave. The blue building at the center of the photo above is indeed my office. And since I have to work on site I've been allocated a company car. Nothing fancy, just a small 3 door Hyundai Getz, but it is quite handy for me during the weekends - for groceries and exploring Brisbane. Another plus is the company is paying the petrol :D

A lilttle bit of my job description, I'll try to explain it in the easiest language possible, to avoid freaking people out :p

My company is actually acting as a geotechnical advisor for the design and construction phases for the land reclamation at the Port of Brisbane. The project is known as the largest ever land reclamation project in Australia and is indeed a 50 years project expecting to be completed in year 2025. Currently the project is in trial phase with 5 different international contractors exploring different ground improvement techniques to identify the most suitable method that will deliver stabilised reclaimed land in accordance with the requirements, nonetheless optimising time and cost parameters. Coffey is involved with the project management and geotechnical direction of the project. The work includes investigations, review of geotechnical designs of the contractors, installation and monitoring of instrumentation. The 2 most well known contractors include Boskalis and Van Oord which are also contracting the Dubai Palm Island land reclamation project.

I would have to say I am really really dead lucky to be assigned to this project. I guess this is a rare opportunity to have the chance to work with the professionals from all over the world in this particular expertise. I'll strive my hardest and try to pick up as much skill as possible.

Will upload more photos next post.

Ciao!

FINALLY...

After all the fuss of my visa and working rights, my career at Coffey finally get started today! Quite a hectic day for me - first to introduce myself to more than 150 staffs in the office, one at a time; then to be familiar with the office layout and general security system; learn to use the email/phone/fax/printing machine and system; set up my work station; study an online safety course; and then finally to learn that I am going to a site office at Port of Brisbane tomorrow beofre the end of the day! I was quite surprise that I am assigned to the site office on my second working day, but I guess it will be a very good experience working at that site office as the project there is very large in scale and very challenging.

Wish that I can settle in as quickly as possible and ease pass the 3 months probation!

MISSING YOU~~~

I have been seeing you a lot in the dream lately, especially in the last couple of nights, so I guess it is an indication that I am missing you exceptionally much recently.

Many say missing a person is painful, is hard or is sorrowful; as it more often makes people cry and wreck. But for me it is just opposite. Thinking back the moment we spent together, the flashes that we shared together, always brighten up my days and those memories only make me wanting to spend more time with you.

More than 7 months have passed since we last see each other and there are still 70 more days to go before we can see each other again. I just cant wait to see you again, this time in Sydey, a sacred city that spice things up, almost 17 months ago!

Time does fly and time does play its part. But I am sure time will not be a barrier for both of us!

I MISS YOU!

BRISBANE RIVER FESTIVAL

I guess I have just picked the right time to move to Brisbane as I was just in time to witness the biggest event of the year in Brisbane - The Brisbane River Festival last weekend. The annual River Festival is to celebrate the Brisbane River which passes through the Brisbane (something similar with the Yarra River in Melbourne), and it includes a 30 minutes continuos pyrotechnics and fireworks. It was the first time I witness this event first hand and it was really breath-taking. The picture above shows the opening of the River Festival with a F111 strike aircraft dashed pass the Brisbane city sky. Anyway, I snatched this picture from someone in the internet :P Here are some photos taken by me.

SETTLING IN

If moving houses is troublesome, then moving interstate is super-hyper-duple-troublesome. I was tremendously happy once I got the offer from Coffey, only when I havent thought of the shits that I have to go through before I left for Brisbane - sorting out all the shits, throwing those not-so-useful thingy, selling the furnitures, packing and sending all the sutffs. But I'm lucky enough that I'm gonna stay with my brother, so I dont need to look for place to stay in Brisbane.

It is never easy to leave a place after staying for four and a half years, especially having to leave all the friends behind. I remember suffering to settle in Sydney when I first came to Australia almost half a decade ago. I believe everyone studying abroad knows how hard it is to settle-in at new place. For me, the Aussie accent, the transportation system, the weather, the environment, etc in Sydney. And just when I'm considering sophisticated in everything in Sydney I've got to leave the place, or in fact I have already left the place and I'm in Brisbane now - having to go through the 'settling in' process. But it is way much easier now compared to last time, and I have got my brother here to 'look after' me.